Who DO suits suit?

Its getting dangerously close to that time.

What time you ask?

The time when I am pretty much required to stop acting like a 4 year old & start acting like a...well at least older than a 4 year old. 

So far, the thing I've protested the most (aside from paying my own bills & accepting responsibility for anything whatsoever) is buying a suit.

Every time I think about having to go through the process of buying a suit, wearing a suit, cleaning a suit, or generally owning a suit, I get a little nauseated & then I watch cartoons.

Recently, (after seeing how stylish a few of my male friends looked) I said aloud: 

"Haha, you guys, what if I just get a shirt & tie like a dude & wear it to my interviews!?" 

(totally joking of course)

To which a friend within ear shot replied, 

"That's not funny, you really need to buy a suit."

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.

If i had rolled my eyes any harder they would most certainly end up stuck in the back of my head.

So today, after playing with My Little Pony, & my troll dolls, I decided it was time.

I began the endeavor by being unnecessarily verbal about my concerns related to owning a suit, so my mom (solver of all problems) suggested a "hand-me-down" that was stashed in the back of my closet. 

SCORE! Free suit, problem solved, thank youuuu Mom...

Stylish right? All except for the 2ft too long pants, crotch made for someone much more well hung than myself, & sleeves for days...the free suit was a no go.

At that point, I had pretty much given up hope when I decided to Google "Suit" to see what happened. 

Yes Google, I definitely meant to search for "Suite life of zack and cody"

Ok fine...a little more specificity never hurt anyone...

Fast forward to the part where I found the suit of my dreams...you guys, I cannot wait to wow the socks off of my interviewer...

Bring it on grown up job.

yep.

Captchassholes.

Captchas are ridiculously infuriating in every way possible. 

I'm having a hard time even writing this because that red squiggly line is glaring at me from under the word & I don’t want to give it the gratification of “adding it to my dictionary.”

Here are some legit examples of captchas & my attempts at deciphering them:

Thrand Pi Alpha 6 A

Half of an M 1 inverted A with 2 lines yrigam

erldep JK a bunch of people outside and their shadows are really long because its the end of the day

lightning bolt microscope cita ffec l or i ant

Who invented these things? 

(it was probably Scotty McCreary)

I get the idea, “prove you’re not a robot” blah blah blah, well, id be willing to bet that just about every robot is significantly smarter than i am & these captchas dont do anything but exemplify that fact x a billion. 

(Except i bet im smarter than Bender from Futurama but that doesnt count because he's far in the future & everybody knows that robots are going to be dumb in the future when humans start getting scared that machines are way smarter than us & might try to take over the world Matrix style.)

Wikipedia says that a captcha is good for “thwarting spam.”

Intriguing...please, tell me more about this spam thwarting.

Does it trick spam?

Does it beat spam up?

Who knows.

I sit there clicking "try another captcha" 7 million times while trying to figure out if:

is a b, or a d, or a pumpkin stuck between to sticks, and if its possible to make a pi symbol with a standard keyboard, and does capitalization matter because if it does, im pretty much screwed, and should i maybe know Latin for this? … 


...And then, i usually just give up & decide that I dont actually need whatever it was i thought i needed from that website anyway.

Captchas: one of the many ways i am constantly reminded that i am clearly not as smart as i think i am.

A Festival For Flowers (at least its not for a fish)

But seriously...who is this guy?

I'll be the first to admit, the Azalea Festival has had some pretty lame headliners i.e. Kelly Pickler (whoever that is), Darius Rucker (and dont you dare stand of up for him because we all know he was awesome when he was with Hootie and that was it), David Cook (who I think everybody got real excited about until they realized it wasnt Dane Cook), and to be honest, I cant remember any of the others so I looked it up on Wikipedia and under "Celebrities," the only "Festival Performing Artist" listed is David Cook. 


(I am obviously overlooking the fact that the Avett Brothers played last year because I'm still upset that I didnt get to go).


No but seriously, who is Scotty McCreery and who does he think he is selling tickets for $60 and also selling out Trask Colliseum?


Ok I know the answer now, I finished reading that article & learned some super important information:


He won American Idol? or finished second? (poor reading comprehension skills), he sings country music (barf), drives an F-150 (who's name is Loretta), and still orders off the dollar menu at McDonalds even though he "has enough money to eat steak every night and take a limousine to school."


Riiiight.


Oh yea, so, at the end of the article it says he chose to go to NC State over ECU next year...well Scotty, if your singing career takes a nose dive when you finally hit puberty and your voice changes, well, at least you'll have learned how to spread manure & feed the pigs. Go Wolfpack.

Vulnerability.

Feeling vulnerable is one of the worst feelings ever. It always happens before I realize it's happening & usually results in me crying. A lot.


For example, getting yelled at makes me feel vulnerable.

If someone yells (or even slightly raises a voice with a negative tone) at me, I immediately feel like a lost puppy & then I cry for like 45 minutes.

Another example of when I feel ultra vulnerable is when Im trapped inside a haunted house at night time. Or day time.

Ok, truth is...this has never actually happened, but I have played the scenario out in my head on multiple occasions & in the event that it did actually happen at some point, knowing that I would feel 100% vulnerable, I am completely sure that I would first wet my pants, next curl up into a tiny ball in the corner, and third, cry until someone rescued me.

But ...




Nothing in the universe makes me feel more vulnerable than when I somehow wind up wearing only my sneakers & underwear.

Be it because of a hasty attempt at quick wardrobe change, or simply because I forgot how to dress myself, this situation epitomizes my vulnerability in its most extreme form. And I cry every time it happens. Which is more than you might think. Or maybe you're starting to get a feel for how i am & you went right ahead & figured that this probably happens to me all the time. You were right. It does.

Dog.