Thursday, December 20, 2012

A story about a ruined underground industry.

Since its all Christmassy time & stuff I decided to write you a story!



There was a beautiful symbiotic relationship between people, their spare change, & the underground (subway) musicians.


[ok quick side-story, I originally drew this in paint really decently well & then paint just decided to up & freakin quit, so in the interest of time I drew it on the back of a manilla folder next to me...its people giving a musician change.]

The musicians would play a little ditty via guitar, xylophone, Jamaican steel drum, trashcan (really pretty much anything) & the people walking by would have a mini-America's Got Talent competition in their heads & rate the talent to decide if the performer(s) were worthy of the change in the pocket of the passerby.




If the "musician" (& I use that term loosely) were deemed "good" (also loose), money, typically in the form of spare change, would be awarded. (change amount usually to be determined by how many street pretzels were eaten on the given day)





All was well with the world.


The people were happy to hear moderately practiced talent on the way to & from work, & the performers were even happier to receive like $5 a day which is more than they would be making playing the washboard at home.

But then something happened.


(this is not what happened but this is a damn good picture)

Well, two things happened. 
(I'm not really sure which came first but lets just say for all intents & purposes the first one i mention is the one that happened first because it doesn't really matter)

The first thing to happen was the invention of portable electronic devices / headphones.




Portable electronics started to be a thing, & headphones started to drown out the decent melodies of the inaccurately tuned tubas, violins, kettle bells (wait, thats not right), & grand pianos!

The musicians went from being seen & heard to merely being seen, & the world was off kilter.

Now, I know what you're thinking. 
Arrested Development could've gone at least 10 more seasons.

OR

Wait a second, headphones became a thing sometime in the  80's - there were definitely musicians performing underground (making $5 a day) between the 80's and now right?!

Yes! That is correct which is why I still have to tell you about the second thing that happened.

The other thing that happened was debit cards. Not credit cards (because not every Joe can get his hands on one of those), but debit cards. (Ok it's really both credit cards & debit cards)




WHY? BECAUSE! 
Not a soul walks around with change in his pocket any more! 

Since even hookers take debit & credit cards, & every 13 year old has a debit card, NOBODY has an extra quarter, or even dollar bill (inflation) jingling around in the depths of their pants!






Now a days, the performers are few & far between, the music isn't really good at all (was it ever?), & the people hurry by with headphones in, music on, & a whole lotta plastic shoved in their pockets.




So this Christmas season, if you find yourself with a $20 bill from grandpa, go buy yourself some bubble gum & a condom (because that's about all you'll be able to get with it) & then give your spare quarter to the underground enthusiast just trying to make an honest five bucks.




And that's the story of how earphones & debit cards ruined the underground rail road, i mean music industry.