Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Avocados = The Most Versatile Fruit-vegetables around.
AVOCADO
AVOCADOABLE
AVOCADON'T
AVOCADOMESTIC
AVOCADOCTOR
AVOCADOG
AVOCADOWNLOADING
AVOCADOORMAN
AVOCADOUCHEBAG
Monday, July 23, 2012
The "Next Blog" Button
Until the other day I had never noticed the "next blog button" up at the top there.
perhaps you are not as funny as you think you are.
Perhaps, you should view some other blogs & see just where you fall on the funny scale."
To which my self replied,
"Ok, I can get down with that."
So I started clicking through these things... (which I know you're going to do after you're done reading this blog unless of course you are sitting there in your underwear & you're already late for work & you just had to read my latest blog post before rushing into your day)
...let me just save you the trouble by showing you a few of my favs:
And I thought to myself,
"Self, perhaps you are not as funny as you think you are.
Perhaps, you should view some other blogs & see just where you fall on the funny scale."
To which my self replied,
"Ok, I can get down with that."
So I started clicking through these things... (which I know you're going to do after you're done reading this blog unless of course you are sitting there in your underwear & you're already late for work & you just had to read my latest blog post before rushing into your day)
...let me just save you the trouble by showing you a few of my favs:
Oh boy!
A blog about the life of a stay at home mom!
She must be so busy...
I'm willing to bet a all of my money that the author of this blog is neither one of those people.
And - Oh! your dog had surgery?
Or wait...is the author possibly the dog?
Thought provoking.
What?!
As part of a "sneak peak" into the US, you just up & decide to have a baby?
I can tell you at LEAST 100 million things you can do in the US that are more fun than having a baby.
Hint: Everything.
OooHoo.
Marriage blog.
Everyone is certainly gripping the edges of their theoretical seats to see if Jeff farted instead of doing the dishes & Joyce is planning on wearing a T-Shirt to bed.
I like flowers too.
And the farmers' (farmer's?) market(s).
I'm down with this one.
Lipstick doesn't belong on your cheek.
Come on.
Even I know that.
 |
Ken Lee-The Journal.
The authority on all things boring.
(PS Ken Lee-The, don't think we didn't notice that awkward hyphen)
Yes friends,
A blog dedicated to tracking the infamous double L.
Woo. Hoo.
PS no one has cared since 1999.
I gotta say,
Some of them are pret-ty good
Why'd ya stop in 2010 guy?
Tidal locking,
A romantical blog for fat chinese people in love.
How many fat Chinese people are there even?
Probably 2.
Hat City,
You really seriously to get your knitting under control
You are just 'sew' clever.
RAWR
(yarn monster - for those of you who still cant follow my trains of thoughts)
Next up ladies & gentleman,
A blog about 50 year olds dating.
Ew.
Just. Ew.
At first I thought,
wow thats a pretty cute name for a blog...
but its really JUST a weather blog.
DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDRA!!!!
I'm sorry what?
is this a sex blog?
Exactly how many adventures have you had whilst making a baby?
But not so far off the grid that you cant blog.
Right Janice?
All i see here is "observations of gastrocnemius"
(that's the calf muscle for you non-PT people)
A creepy Spanish blog about creepy children?
Someone is addicted to cheese...
The next 4 are only included because there were 4 in a ROW about STAMPING.
Seriously?
Yes.
Seriously.
And finally...
Yes.
So anyway.
Then i said to myself,
"Self,
You are the funniest.
Well done."
Sunday, July 15, 2012
So Ive Been Trying to Understand This "Higgs Boson" Thing...
Alright so, in case you havent heard, some scientists somewhere have found what they think might be the Higgs Boson Field / Particle.
This could be THE biggest scientific discovery of the 21st century!
Oh? really?
You've never heard of the Higgs Boson?
You don't have to fake it.
No need to have to pretend.
After all, I'm brilliant, got an A in physics, & i too had never heard of it.
But, because I have an extremely nerdy reputation to uphold, you better believe after hearing the news (ok all it really took was me coming across a couple of jokes on the internet that I didnt understand), i got on every sciencey nerd website i could, to get some answers so that in the event that someone (seemingly) more intelligent than myself were to ask,
"Oh hey, have you heard that they found the Higgs Boson Particle?"
I could respond with something like,
"Oh yeah! That's totally great!"
or whatever an appropriate reaction would be because if the Higgs Boson turned out the be a bad thing, then i wouldve been all...
"Oh man i know, i was really sorry to hear."
That way, if someone says to you,
"Oh did you hear the most recent news about the Higgs Boson?"
You can be like,
"Totally. I am totally up to speed on all the science news you giant nerd face, why dont you ask me something normal like, have you seen Ted?"
As a disclaimer, whenever I don't fully understand something, I usually just make stuff up, & then confidently pretend like I know all about it.
(just ask my mom about how i use to make up the rules to Candyland...while we played...so i would win.)
So basically, all or some or none of this may be true or part way true or totally lies.
Alrighty off we go!
The Standard Model is what physicists use to explain everything.
Yep, everything, & thats not even an exaggeration.
Youve probably heard one time or another about how everything, everywhere, is made up of tiny particles floating around, interacting with each other, in space.
Yes?
Being the genius seven year old that i was, when my Dad (mega nerd) first informed me of this theory, my immediate response was,
"Umm that's dumb, because if it were true, i would be falling through this chair right now."
That my friends, is (apparently) the ground work for all of this Higgs Boson business. (sorry im getting ahead of myself, its just that science just gets me real excited).
All the particles in the universe, have mass (duh)
But...(because all physicists are also sadists) (id also be willing to bet it works in reverse too)
Physicists (& sadists if you followed my last train of thought) want to know...HOW these particles get their mass?
Well the answer to this is something that I (even in my infinite wisdom) cannot fully explain so i have enlisted the help of some trustworthy internet videos.
(with links for citation purposes because I always give credit where credit is due)
I have summarized 3 of my favorites below...
1. The first video likened the whole situation to snow & skiers with skis, boots, & shoes.
Video Numero Uno
By... this guy:
He says, "Picture some snow, flat, featureless, going in all directions, maybe in the middle of Siberia."
Then he goes on to say something about how much snow sticks to you if you're wearing skis, versus boots, versus straight up shoes.
And shows some overly dramatic visuals:
2. The second video literally started with this guy saying:
"If you have any interest in physics at all, you've heard of the Higgs Boson"
(He's the kind of cocky nerd I was referring to, who might ask you if you've heard of this thing, & then be a jerk about it if you say no)
Video Numero Dos
He decided to go with water, barracudas, swimmers, & then failed to continue the analogy for the rest of the video.
3. The third (& most amazing) video i came across has 2 (Russian? Polish? Slovakian?) dudes.
Real similar to these fellas actually.
Still good.
"Higgs particle, which gives mass to other particles, from themselves particles cant have mass, imagine having the Higgs Field, like spanning every point in space, time, it has like, all time excitation of itself, so Higgs particles everywhere, & when a particle is moving through it, particles which couple stronger to Higgs', they have like lots of Higgs'
and they drag it a bit down. Its not correct right, but its a good way to see it. So the particles are like, dragged down more so they are heavy."
"Something full everywhere, some things go through, and they attract or not."
"Why is physics so cool?"
Ok so then I actually watched a video that made sense...
Finally, an explanation!
So here's my summary:
This could be THE biggest scientific discovery of the 21st century!
Oh? really?
You've never heard of the Higgs Boson?
You don't have to fake it.
No need to have to pretend.
After all, I'm brilliant, got an A in physics, & i too had never heard of it.
But, because I have an extremely nerdy reputation to uphold, you better believe after hearing the news (ok all it really took was me coming across a couple of jokes on the internet that I didnt understand), i got on every sciencey nerd website i could, to get some answers so that in the event that someone (seemingly) more intelligent than myself were to ask,
"Oh hey, have you heard that they found the Higgs Boson Particle?"
I could respond with something like,
"Oh yeah! That's totally great!"
or whatever an appropriate reaction would be because if the Higgs Boson turned out the be a bad thing, then i wouldve been all...
"Oh man i know, i was really sorry to hear."
So since you have chosen to spend a few of your precious minutes looking at my blog, I feel it is my duty, as your resident nerd, to fill you in on what ive recently learned about the Higgs Boson via the world's most reliable resource...the internet.
That way, if someone says to you,
"Oh did you hear the most recent news about the Higgs Boson?"
You can be like,
"Totally. I am totally up to speed on all the science news you giant nerd face, why dont you ask me something normal like, have you seen Ted?"
As a disclaimer, whenever I don't fully understand something, I usually just make stuff up, & then confidently pretend like I know all about it.
(just ask my mom about how i use to make up the rules to Candyland...while we played...so i would win.)
So basically, all or some or none of this may be true or part way true or totally lies.
Alrighty off we go!
The Standard Model is what physicists use to explain everything.
Yep, everything, & thats not even an exaggeration.
(which i guess is why the standard model equation is available for purchase on a hat?)
Youve probably heard one time or another about how everything, everywhere, is made up of tiny particles floating around, interacting with each other, in space.
Yes?
Being the genius seven year old that i was, when my Dad (mega nerd) first informed me of this theory, my immediate response was,
"Umm that's dumb, because if it were true, i would be falling through this chair right now."
That my friends, is (apparently) the ground work for all of this Higgs Boson business. (sorry im getting ahead of myself, its just that science just gets me real excited).
All the particles in the universe, have mass (duh)
But...(because all physicists are also sadists) (id also be willing to bet it works in reverse too)
Physicists (& sadists if you followed my last train of thought) want to know...HOW these particles get their mass?
Well the answer to this is something that I (even in my infinite wisdom) cannot fully explain so i have enlisted the help of some trustworthy internet videos.
(with links for citation purposes because I always give credit where credit is due)
I have summarized 3 of my favorites below...
1. The first video likened the whole situation to snow & skiers with skis, boots, & shoes.
Video Numero Uno
By... this guy:
Then he goes on to say something about how much snow sticks to you if you're wearing skis, versus boots, versus straight up shoes.
And shows some overly dramatic visuals:
Hmm.
Ok.
2. The second video literally started with this guy saying:
"If you have any interest in physics at all, you've heard of the Higgs Boson"
(He's the kind of cocky nerd I was referring to, who might ask you if you've heard of this thing, & then be a jerk about it if you say no)
Video Numero Dos
He decided to go with water, barracudas, swimmers, & then failed to continue the analogy for the rest of the video.
But he's totally serious about it.
Real similar to these fellas actually.
(Thomas & Melissa, I know you don't get it. Not having cable as a child has really ruined a lot of jokes for you.)
Using adorable haircuts, broken english, & terrible analogies, they attempt to explain the Higgs Boson situation.
(Note: This video explains why the Higgs Boson is commonly referred to as "The God Particle," which might help to give you the upper hand in a conversation with a nerdjerk, but i dont want to spoil the surprise.)
(hahaha look at the link to it)
Some excellent quotes from video numero tres:
"Most of the mass we have is kinetic energy, so the Higgs Boson explains why subatomic particles have the masses they do."
Ok. I'm with you.
"Very simple" ("mainstream terminology"): By themselves, particles don't have mass."
Still good.
"Higgs particle, which gives mass to other particles, from themselves particles cant have mass, imagine having the Higgs Field, like spanning every point in space, time, it has like, all time excitation of itself, so Higgs particles everywhere, & when a particle is moving through it, particles which couple stronger to Higgs', they have like lots of Higgs'
and they drag it a bit down. Its not correct right, but its a good way to see it. So the particles are like, dragged down more so they are heavy."
"Something full everywhere, some things go through, and they attract or not."
"Why is physics so cool?"
Umm yes. Got it. Thank you cute European (?) guys.
Finally, an explanation!
So here's my summary:
According
to common, accepted, physics theory (standard model), everything is made from
particles, which on their own do not have mass.
The Higgs particle is a boson AKA a "type of particle that allows multiple, identical particles to exist in the same place in the same quantum state. It has no spin, electric charge, or colour charge. It is also very unstable, decaying into other particles almost immediately."
Scientists think that the Boson field / particle is what gives all the other particles mass.
Aaaannnnnnd...
Some scientists who work in a 25 gazillion dollar lab think that they probably found it.
(no joke about the lab, its called the CERN & it is literally almost 17 miles around, & that's really how much it cost to build too.)
Well, they are between 99.73% & 99.9994% sure they found it.
Close enough.
Without it, pretty much everything else we think to be true about physics, would be false.
Which would also be kind of awesome if you think about it.
Doesn't it feel good to educate yo self?
You're welcome.
The end.
I was totally eating left over eggplant for breakfast while i wrote the conclusion to this.
I hope you're jealous.
The Higgs particle is a boson AKA a "type of particle that allows multiple, identical particles to exist in the same place in the same quantum state. It has no spin, electric charge, or colour charge. It is also very unstable, decaying into other particles almost immediately."
Scientists think that the Boson field / particle is what gives all the other particles mass.
Aaaannnnnnd...
Some scientists who work in a 25 gazillion dollar lab think that they probably found it.
(no joke about the lab, its called the CERN & it is literally almost 17 miles around, & that's really how much it cost to build too.)
Well, they are between 99.73% & 99.9994% sure they found it.
Close enough.
Without it, pretty much everything else we think to be true about physics, would be false.
Which would also be kind of awesome if you think about it.
Doesn't it feel good to educate yo self?
You're welcome.
The end.
I was totally eating left over eggplant for breakfast while i wrote the conclusion to this.
I hope you're jealous.