Long Winded

Never have i ever... let anyone see one of my blog posts prior to posting it.
(or been to a tanning bed, eaten an entire steak, watched Jersey Shore, shopped for food at Walmart, or worn Toms. Booyah, all of you are out of fingers, i win.)

And then after i do post one, i text a few people about it, hold my breath, squint my eyes, & wait for somebody to tell me im how funny i am.

(Here is an x-ray of what my face looks like when i wait)

Well it just so happens that the other day i was feeling slightly over-confident, & i let the boyfriend read the blog, (you know, the one about the LIRR) prior to posting it.


His response was this: 
"Well, i guess thats funny, but i think you take too long to get to the punch line."


Umm...


Hey.


Excuse me.


Bf, Im not sure you understand how this is suppose to work. 


You see...


The only kind of feed back that is actually acceptable, is the extremely, ridiculously, over the top positive kind.


For punishment, i will spend the rest of this post mocking your wrongness. 

For starters, who has a blog with 9 followers?
Not you.


Who actually tells the longest stories ever?
You. (followed very closely by me).


Who appreciates Arrested Development?
Thats what i thought.


Ahhhnyway, to drive home the point a little further, ive decided to take a look back at some blog ideas that didnt turn out to be anything more than ideas because i think they suck without an adequate story attached:


Eh-hem:
First off, here are some random pictures of funny things that have been spelled using the sticky letters in the tub
(note: i am not taking credit for all, but i am taking credit for most)

(tehe)

Next. Why do these types of containers even still exist? How have we not, as a society, progressed past this design?

I am (still) very clearly the kid who has to ask the teacher open my milk for me every single day at lunch.

Third, If the company that makes shower heads is going to use such amazing setting illustrations, I am going to hold my shower head to a very high standard of performance:

IV. Here is a fun game to play on the train:

Is the person walking by:

A. Retarded?

B. Drunk?

C. Just having a really hard time walking on the wobbly train?

 

(seriously though, do it.)

5th: I tweeted this thought one time (back before i got busted discovered for tweeting mean cleverly-worded statements about my roommates living situation) but it's still true:

I think animals are gross because they lick their own crotches; but i think people are grosser because they lick eachothers.'

(dont make that face, you know its true.)

AND, when our cat use to do this very same little maneuver, my dad would call it, "playing the fiddle."

(it really is much cuter this way)

Second to last, I took this picture hoping to do something with it but it has no back story, so i hope an open mouth, shiny skull, sponge holder is funny to you.

And finally, this guy.

In conclusion, here is some good advice:

Focus on the journey (story), not just the destination (punchline), & more importantly during the ride, beg your dad stop for beanie babies & ice cream.

PS somebody get me this.