I do not like to be touched.

It's no secret.

If you know me (personally) you know I am not a huge fan of other humans touching me or me touching other humans.

It's just really not my thing.

No offense to anyone who "needs" a hug - just a heads up, you're probably not going to get it from me. (unless you are Melissa. or my Mom)

The ironic thing is, I now live in NYC & everybody here touches everybody else all the time.

You cant help it.

Its just stupid crowded & try as you might not to be touched, by the end of your subway ride, you will inevitably be at least arm to arm with a complete stranger.
[and that's on a good day because more times than not you are crotch to face, ass to ass, or just body to body].

But i have this theory. 
[the whole point of this post]

Some people ride the subway JUST so they can touch people.

Its a fact that skin on skin is healthy for endorphins or whatever & i truly believe that some people fulfill this physiologic need by riding the subway.

There are a few sneaky ways this is accomplished...let me teach you all about it in case you decide to visit me in this dirty, dirty city.

1. The pole dancer
This individual holds close to the pole as if he/she is either going to fly away, or ride it like a fire pole. You, the innocent subway rider, also needs to be safe by holding onto said pole, & have no other choice but to touch the Pole Dancer.

2. The spreader
If you are lucky enough to get a seat, you will likely sit with an inch or 2 to spare just so you arent arm to arm with your neighbor. The spreader will immediately, subtly spread his/her legs or arms ever so slightly so that one or both are grazing your skin.

3. The surfer / crash test dummy
This person decides it is more important to read, text, eat, & knit than hold onto anything for safety so what happens when the train jolts? Oh! You guessed it, he/she crashes right into you (which you love if you're Dave Matthews)

4. The pusher
No, not drug pusher Caty, you know, the people who just push & push to get on the subway? Well, the pusher is the guy who pushes to get on & then just stays right up on top of you when there is plenty of room to spread out.

5. The hand holder
The no-matter-where-i-put-my-hand-the-hand-holder's-hand-goes-there-too. Give it up John Lennon - nobody wants to hold your hand.

So in conclusion - if you're feeling the need for some close, touchy love...$2.25 can buy you all the human contact your touch receptors could ever need.

End!

la la la, LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA...

DONT TOUCH ME!