Sunday, October 21, 2012

Its that time of year again...

What time of year you ask?

Pumpkins?
Fall leaves?
Christmas music?

NO!!!

Its fall TV time!!!!

I love TV shows - bad ones, good ones, doesn't matter - If it's on, I can get into it (with the exception of football of course)

So i couldn't help but noticing some striking similarities between so not-so-similar-shows this TV season!
And what better way to share my thoughts with you than some good ol' fashioned 

VENN DIAGRAMS!

And just because i love you all so much, i decided to go free hand this time. 
(also its because im still transitioning from not having the internet for so long)


1. American Horror Story | Arrested development
(ps i know Arrested Development is not new but there has been a lot of buzz about it lately so i felt like it was appropriate) 




2. 30 Rock | Breaking Bad



3. The Office | Dexter



4. Suburgatory | Up All Night
(Slow clap for making it back for a second season)



5. Grimm | Portlandia
(hipsters, monsters, same difference)


The End! (happy fall TV watching!)



Monday, October 15, 2012

Breaking the cycle

They say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit.[its possible i made that up]

I was without internet for 64.

Never have i ever known what breaking an addiction feels like, but I imagine it feels a lot like quitting the internet cold turkey for 64 days & good gravy it feels super warm & cuddly to have the world at my finger tips again.

What's the weather going to be like tomorrow? 
I know!



Who was the guy in that movie? 
I know that too!!


What is the point of fantasy football? There's totally not one!

[Just kidding! its so The League can exist]

Regardless, i must say it did feel a teensy bit nice to be free of the burden of Facebook, Email, Pinterest, Blog, Hulu, Netflix, Youtube, Google...etcetera etcetera...(internet loop - see Portlandia)

Nonetheless, here we are again.


[you guys remember that from middle school?!]


Problem is, i've stopped trying to actively come up with blog ideas & the only 2 passionate somewhat-blog-worthy thoughts i've had in the last 64 days are:

1. Football is a stupid sport



2. Politics is a stupid sport



And neither of those two things are really solid enough ideas [for me] to make a blog posting about.
[well actually, they totally are but i have a feeling they'd end up being too serious & not funny enough]

So stay tuned, I'll get my internet addiction back to be sure & you guys will be peeing in your pants again before you know it. 

[you're welcome for not posting a picture of someone peeing in their pants].

Sunday, September 9, 2012

With"drawl."

Life update:

I do not yet have internet access at my new place.

I am currently experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms.
(twitchy fingers, better posture, increased productivity...its terrible)

Without the blog as my outlet, my humor is beginning to leak out all over real life. 

Its getting pretty messy.









I do hope to make a triumphant return near the first of October.

Try to keep your pants on until then.




Sunday, August 5, 2012

If only ironing were actually ironic.

As if laundry weren't already the worst of all the chores (Sorting, washing, drying, hanging, folding, putting away...oh my God im practically falling asleep just typing about it) 


I have recently been informed that as a newly declared grown-up, i am legally required to add ironing to my list of laundry-related chores.


Ironing is super awful for a lot of reasons...
But you know what? 


It does us absolutely no good to focus on the negatives all the time.


Life can be so full of negativity.


So...
For this just once...


Let us (try to) focus on the positives... of ironing.






For starters, you can catch up on your TV whilst you iron (multitasking is always a bonus in my book)
[Especially a good idea if you're really into shows like: Dexter, Breaking Bad, or Game of Thrones where it really isnt that important to pay attention to what's going on.]






Next, ironing does in fact make your clothes look more professional
e.g. 



[Oh hipsters, thank you so much for being excellent examples of what not to do in so many situations.]

Third, ironing is the sincerest form of flattery...oh, no, that's not right.



Well, last, but you know its not least 
(because otherwise how else would i have earned the award for the "world's second most long winded individual?")

Ironing...can apparently be extremely fun 
(extreme being the operative word here).


'Oh no,' you're thinking to yourself, this post has just taken a serious turn for the sarcastic.


No little friends - it has not.


Let me introduce to you, probably by the same people who invented Yarn Bombing, (look for more on that later in "things you didn't know where things") ...




EXTREME IRONING!


im being totally serious.











In the words of Anastasia Steele, "Oh my..."


With a quickness, i scrambled to learn more, because, now what with not having to study on the weekends & all, I've got insane amounts of free time for ridiculous recreational activities!


And can you think of a better way to improve such a mundane task as ironing?


No. You can not.


Good gravy there's a Wikipedia about it.






(Also known as EI !!!!!!!!!!!!)


Legend has it, that a man by the name of Phil Shaw, now affectionately known as "Steam," (!!!) wanted to climb a mountain, but also was burdened with the task (probably by his wife) of ironing his pants.


Well, like any good creationist before him, "Steam" decided to combine the two activities...& ta-DAH!


Bravo Mr. Shaw.


Fast forward to ... yep you guessed it... GERMANY! Where the first Extreme Ironing WORLD Championships were held in 2002.


5 categories including:


Spoiler alert:


Great Britain's 2 teams take 1st & 2nd place.






Figures.


All that being said, i would like to finish up with a few of the most wonderful EI examples out there...& urge you (with caution of course) to give it a go!


What's the worst that can happen?


You wind up with some neatly pressed pants for your spelunking adventure?

Ok...extreme enough. i guess

...And then what happened?
His arm got stuck between two boulders?

Nicely done sir.

This looks like it could escalate into an ironing emergency very quickly

Wrong. Totally wrong.

Good work.

Lovely use of anchoring here.
(I have no idea what I'm talking about)

Nice hat.

Team mean steam clean.

This might actually be illegal.
I'm not really sure.

Weak. 

Perfect form. 10.0 (or 16.4 or whatever) 

Buddy system.

Sweet Jesus who is going to pull your chute? 

But, really, how effective is this? 

Oh you know I always save the best for last.

As quickly as possible, somebody please petition for this to be added to the Olympic Games...

There is clearly WAY more skill involved with EI than curling.

Isn't it ironic?

Its over.